Monday, April 23, 2012

Five for Five: Change

I am going to let you in on a little secret. I am not happy with a few things in my life.
I am a very happy person, don't get me wrong, but there are a few things I would like to change.

The problem is, it is hard for me to get motivated.
I feel like there are so many other places where I am giving my attention: my job, my life, school..
I just don't feel like there is much more Jessica to give.

I know they say that if you want something bad enough, you will work for it. This is a belief I have as well.
But sometimes, change takes a back burner to just existing. It takes enough energy and concentration to stay above water, figuratively speaking.

That isn't to say I haven't tried. I have successfully made changes. I have made out plans to change. I have read books.
But when it comes down to it, I haven't been successful. Because the changes I wanted to make? I am still struggling.
Every time that I feel like I fail, it just makes getting motivated that much harder.
And I know things won't get better, but it depresses me thinking about it, rather than motivating me.

I am so different from my darling boyfriend, who, when he wants change, he goes out and makes it happen.
He cuts to the chase. He understands no one can do these things for him.
When he wants his life to change, he does it.

That is one of the things I respect most about him. I always hold off,  testing the waters. He goes for it.
I wish I could be like him sometimes.

Where can I find motivation?


  1. I think it's a matter of resilience--something I happen to lack. When I get knocked down, it is really hard for me to get back up again. I'd rather just lie there in the gravel, marinating in my own blood and sorrow.

    Which is something I need to change, for sure.

  2. You and me both. I'd rather lay in bed and cry than fix anything. Which is what causes a lot of the problems between my darling and I. He just doesn't get how my mind works sometimes. He does his best, but I am weird in the way I think.

  3. Too often, I find that someone has to force me to make the change. But once someone gives me a little push, I realize the change isn't as bad or as hard as I thought it would be. Still, I can't initiate it myself. Unless there are vats of motivational chocolate involved.

  4. I am the same way! My guy is very fond of "only you can make the change" and sometimes I think I need more. I shouldn't have to rely on other people, but like you said, its just a little push.
    Then again, the chocolate is a good idea. ;)

  5. At some point someone famous said that big change happens one step at a time. Much more eloquently, I'm sure. But, then, well, it's true. Take one baby step. Do one thing differently today. tomorrow, do two. Change can happen, motivation or not. But you may gain motivation with more change. Maybe? Thanks for joining in!

  6. I once didn't think I could change until I almost lost the things I held most dear. That spurred me to defy what I thought was the impossible. And change I did.

    And since then, I've stopped being afraid of change because I've learned that while the waters are rough as you're crossing the ocean, once you're where you'd intended to go, it can be pretty amazing.

  7. Captivating words, Justine. Thank you for your advice. It really helps.

  8. Very, very true. I will have to remember that. I am looking forward to tomorrow!

  9. Oh, I hear you! Change is hard. I have so many areas I want to get better in, but inertia drags me down. I agree with Jen, that baby steps are key. I think being clear is key, too. Name what you want to change specifically. Then break down the steps to that change specifically. Find one tiny, miniscule thing you can do each day to work towards your change. If it's measurable (I will do X for five minutes), it's easier to do it and be consistant.
    Also, enlist that change-happy boyfriend as a support. Ask him to ask you about how you're doing with that one small thing. Or someone else. Having someone else ask you about it is a huge motivator.
    And also, be kind! Trying to change your life is hard. Even just desiring change is something to be proud of.

  10. At the risk of being a pain, here is a tool I found really helpful:
    I always hesitated to set goals for myself b/c I was afraid of not following through. When I did, and broke it down using this form, I felt like I was taking myself seriously for the first time. Good luck and blessings to you!

  11. After my daughter was born, I decided to take charge and do things that I wanted, even if I was nervous or scared. I'd push through and make change happen.

    And it lasted a good 6 months. :) Four years later, I'm struggling with finding that source of power and confidence again. I wish there was a way to become (and stay) the kind of go-get-'em person that your boyfriend is.

  12. I'm sure he would have a cow to see how much people are talking about him. :)

  13. I'm not a go-getter either and motivation is a time suck for me. I wish I could be motivated. I try, but I fail. There are some things I just accept about myself. It makes other arenas less stressful. The things that need to be done always get done anyway.

    Just keep workin at it. That is what I do.


  14. Rate This

    "I am going to let you in on a little secret. I am not happy with a few things in my life."

    You know what? This is everyone's little secret. This is life.

    Great post.

  15. I suffer from the motivation disease myself. I think I've discovered, however, that if there is something I truly want - then I will make it happen. I just happen to have too many things I want to do/change so none of it gets much attention. Sounds similar huh? As for your boyfriend - I just think guys have less distraction. :-)

  16. It is so hard to find motivation and even harder to maintain discipline. I think something has to click inside of you to truly find motivation. Maybe you are not ready now, but I do believe your awareness of this stumbling block is building toward finding it.
    It happens to everyone. I guarantee it.

  17. Thank you for being so encouraging!

  18. [...] not saying that just because I love him and he is adorable. He is interesting. Not only can he make changes in his life (and encourage me to do the same) like nobody’s business, he can tell when I am lying. Every. [...]


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